Alarm Bell Reality

My phone rings at 8:10am, it’s the school therapists ID.
“Are you going south today?” I hear Shoshy ask.
“No. I’m going north to Herzliya, near Aba’s work. Why??”
“Ima why didn’t you tell me about the bombs?” Blurts out of Shoshy’s mouth.
I’m slipping on my shoe and throwing a bag over my shoulder as I respond, “Because I didn’t want to worry you. You have a big test today. I didn’t know if it was important to tell you.”
“Ima they’ve been bombing all morning!!! I need to know!”
“Why?? It’s not the first time. Probably won’t be the last. We’re a minute and a half away to get to the shelter. They’ve bombed us so many times in the past 2 years it’s almost normal and I didn’t tell you every time. They rarely get near us. I don’t know why this time would be any different. You’re safe at school. You know what to do if there is a siren. You’re probably safer with your teachers than you are with me.”
“OK. Yeah. When will you be home?”
“About the same time you all get home. Put on a show if I’m not back yet. You know how to get in the bomb shelter. If something happens school will tell us, or call us, we’ll be home fast. You know the drill.”
“Do you need to go?”
“Yes, Shoshy. I need to go. I’m not letting them stop me from taking care of myself. You know I need to get out today and calm down. Those terrorists aren’t going to stop me from living my life.”
My siren on my phone went off at 5.57am and I jumped out of bed and shook Eilan. He said, “EM it’s your phone. Turn it off.”
It was just the red alert app on the phone. There was no siren outside of our window, we’re a street away, we hear it loudly.
For some reason the settings changed to countrywide.
“Should set your alarm to ring like that every morning. I’ve never seen you move so fast.” He jokes.
“Thanks, but I have enough PTSD.” I retort.
It was just the south again.
Just the south being bombed again.
Normalcy.
Ridiculous to think that way.
But reality can be a ridiculous form of normal.
So we check the news to see what annoyed them this time.
A top terrorist in Hamas was assassinated last night by the IDF.
It’s retaliation.
We don’t know how intense it will get.
I also have never experienced being locked in a shelter and G-d willing never will.
So I rolled the dice and made a move.
Today 160+ bombs were fired at Israel from Gaza.
I laid on Acadia beach in Herzilya while it happened.
Palmachim Beach, my favourite, had missiles head towards it. So I was glad I changed my original plans.
Tel Aviv shut down as missiles were heading towards it.
Herzliya is out of the way. Safer.
Eilan drove me to the beach.
I left my smart phone with him so I wouldn’t be distracted and he would be informed of any emergencies.
I needed to isolate myself.
I had a simple phone so he could reach me.
The beach has a siren.
The beach also had the cleanest bathrooms I’ve ever seen. Literally had a cleaning person in there every time I went in.
The beach was also pretty full.
Families, old people playing chess, tourists, boats and more.
I wasn’t alone in my decision of where to be.
The water was calm.
Too calm.
Was freezing cold.
It felt weird to be in.
I stood in there for a few minutes as a wave of huge army carriers flew overhead.
They frequently flew above us.
I just thanked those girls and boys protecting us at the moment.
Keeping us as safe as they can and are allowed, because unfortunately the government and world pressure make the army use too much restraint when it comes to retaliation.
#onlyinisrael
I laid on the sand for 3 hours and either slept or read Lord of The Rings: The Two Towers.
I stopped my life and the world wind I am in.
Why today of all days?
Because I had to save myself.
I literally emotionally collapsed.
My fibromyalgia pain within has been so strong I wanted to end myself. Not an exaggeration.
I hit a downward spiral that freaked my husband, children and myself.
My strong self within crumbled and I could no longer be strong.
The constant being sick, losing my grandmother and 2 friends in one week, celiac diagnosis for Noa and then gluten intolerance for myself, the PANDAS, losing my baby and the complications it riddled my body with. The working 8-9 hours a day. My last 10 months has been non-stop bombardment, with a list that is too long and I then became a crisis.
I collapsed.
I had too many panic attacks.
I broke.
My therapist told me for my own sanity to escape for a day.
This was the only day I had.
The other days of this week are given to other flaring issues.
I wouldn’t of lasted another week.
To stay in my house today would of been to my detriment. My anxiety would of pushed me over the edge. For me it wasn’t safe.
Yes, I look happy in the picture.
#mentalillness
The 3 hours on the beach was worth it. I am feeling better. I want to go again next week and disconnect.
Why today of all days did bombs need to land in Israel?
I don’t know.
But living in Israel has shifted how I look at reality.
If I was in the bombing radiance my reality would of been different.
When Eilan heard a bomb flew over Beit Shemesh, towards Modiin, and was intercepted by an Iron Dome, he picked me up and we drove home.
My kids weren’t in shelters today. They were all reminded of procedures and put on alert.
A neighbour had her grandkids at her house as they live in a bombing zone.
Beit Shemesh was all notified in the morning that business was as usual.
Half of Eilan’s co-workers stayed at home with their families as they were in the bombing radiance. He works in Kfar Saba. People commute 2-3hrs each morning.
Everyone in this country had a different reality.
So today while 160+ bombs rained down on parts of Israel I was not in, I slept on a beach.
It’s weird.
It’s surreal.
It sounds like a joke.
It’s like New York being bombed while people are relaxing on the Jersey Shore.
Shift your mindset and picture bombs landing an hour away from where you live.
Picture that happening whenever the people who live there feel like sending a bomb over.
This was my today in Israel.
I am in no way trying to negate the seriousness of what happened today in the south. It’s horrendous. We know people who live in those zones and how terrifying it is.
The implications of what Gaza does to Israel is serious. This is just to show Israel is not a country wide war zone. It’s a constant normal to have Gaza just bomb the south.
It’s normal to bomb us and we live with it.
Ridiculous to tolerate that isn’t it.

 

 

 

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.